when it all comes crashing down

ive never felt more alone.
tonite i went to dinner with aris melissa jason & melissas mom. i sat there eating my food feeling completely distant.
i just stood in the shower under flickering lite for close to an hour. the hot water knob turned all the way on & water cold enough to make ice was all that was spewed from the nozzle.
every time i eat i feel like there are razorblades in my stomach.
my sinuses are constantly congested & sore.
i havent slept for longer than 2 hours in almost a month.
my train to va beach leaves at 5pm tomorrow. im there til monday or tuesday & then i start my new job, which im dreading. the only music that makes sense rite now is give up the ghost & its competing with the coffee maker & the fresh prince of bel air.
the only person i want to be with rite now is 130 miles away & ive got a week til i see her.
the new years looking pretty bleak already but i guess we will see how shit goes.