while im not religious by any stretch of the mind i am extremely faith based. ive recently put a friendship on the line & quit a job all with the hopes that every thing would turn out alright. i went into my art history final today with little to no preparation, all the while assuming id get a decent grade. i dont know if this is faith or just being a dumb ass, probably a little bit of both. ive never been the most optimistic person but ive always had hope & i think theres something to be said for that.
i think one of the reasons im so faithful is because i like not being in control. i like being thrown into a situation and trying to deal with it. which is weird because one of the reasons i dont drink is because i dont want to not be in control of my body. i like knowing me but not my situations or surroundings i guess.
im willing to risk more than most people i guess. & whatever the consequences it keeps life interesting.
im more confused than ever. ive got problems with some people because i know so much of there past & problems with others because i dont know their past at all. im dreading lancaster. ill be there in less than four days. its going to be a long month & a half.
i feel like my life has been a movie lately. drama intermixed with amazing moments with some of my best friends. driving drunk people home, them passed out in the back seat while jason and i blast blink 182 thru the stereo at 2 am. skipping class to hang out & watch movies or go thrift stores. a constant soundtrack of miserable music playing as i bike thru rainy streets narrowly escaping getting hit on a daily basis. walking to get coffee after a couple hours of sleep if youre lucky.
no matter how bad life gets these days or how fucked in the head i really am, i just have to remember that this is the happiest ive ever been & im not letting anything change that.
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