Monday, December 10, 2007

ex lovers & friends

theres been the highest of highs & lowest of lows lately. this past weekend i was with melissa jason chris & aris from friday at 5 til sunday at 10. it was one of the best weekends ive ever had, but in between all this my mind is slowly crashing to the ground. im not looking forward to lancaster at all. i feel like im not in control of anything & sometimes that doesnt bother me but rite now all i want is to figure shit out. nites have been spent restless & studying reflections on the ceiling & days spent staying conscious by a never ending cup of coffee. ive been carrying a journal with me and writing mostly one liners.
youre my fix, my fixation, & my fucking failure

at least when i fail you, you wont be able to say that i lied

im a poet & a lover & the leader of a lost generation
im a martyr & a saint & the downfall of civilization

my eyes are bigger than my heart

we dont know facts or pasts

they dont seem like much but this is how most of my stuff starts. three or four lines usually turns into a small books worth of writing. it will be interesting what i produce over the next few weeks, considering my current mental state & that ill be in lancaster in less than a week.
want to experience how ive felt lately?
black out while running on the treadmill.
blast "pulling teeth" while watching love actually & having a screaming match with a shitty roommate at the same time.
read letters you never sent to ex girlfriends, & still know them word for word after two years.

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