growing up i got in trouble a lot & my mom would punish me in various ways. the only punishment i remember is the first time she made me run. it was the first time i had run for something other than gym class or a sport & i fucking hated it. i made it barely a half mile, i had terrible side stitch, & i was crying. i can still picture it to this day. the next time i did something wrong she made me run again & this time it wasnt so bad. & soon i was running on my own. & now when a lot of shits going on in my life i run. & for the same reasons my mom did it, i do it, to test/punish myself. the cramping in your calves, breathing so heavy your throat hurts, sweat in your eyes. soon you lose feeling & its the best feeling in the world. everything goes away, all your failed relationships, all your school work, & all your failures & fuck ups. i cant put into words the feeling & i dont think anyone can, the only people who know the feeling are the ones who have felt it. i listen to the same playlist every time i run & tonite i finished a song early, three minutes. to some thats the length of commercials, the time to cook their microwave dinner, or even some, sex, but to me thats a half mile. & after the week ive had that three minutes was the biggest accomplishment ive had in weeks. i over came all the bullshit drama, all the fucking up, all the loss & was able to push thru & theres something to be said for that.
a week from tomorrow im done with my freshman year & thats a whole other mind fuck. this year has been interesting to say the least. of the three people that had the biggest influence on me this year, one doesnt talk to me anymore, ones leaving for new york & i cant put words to the third & i dont know if thats good or bad.
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