its over now

youll never see your wife & children again
so tell us what was going through your head
when you looked into their eyes & said
"no thanks ill take the hooker instead"

xo

sea sick yet still docked

hook up with an ex/kiss a girl youre crazy about/backstab a best friend/cut off communication with someone who cares about you so deeply that it hurts both parties/have your father be a miserable mess/fall asleep alone & wake up next to a beautiful girl wearing only underwear/be let down by your a best friend/cut off communication with someone you really care about for the chance a friend will forgive/it gets worse before its all over

ive done alot of driving & running lately
im in va beach i dont know anyone here
so theres been alot of alone time
im counting on the music to get me thru the day

the distillers "drain the blood"
the soviettes "middle of the night"
none more black "under my feet"
the gaslight anthem "we came to dance"
onelinedrawing "14 to 41"
mewithoutYou "messes of men"
sparta "air"
cursive "a gentleman caller"
olympia "chorus! chorus! chorus!"
lawrence arms "quincentuple your money"
hes the hero "four"
taking back sunday "the ballad of sal villanueva"

(she carves mayhem into her skin to warn future lovers of her effect)

you just pull the weeds out

recent events have led one thing to another & things fall apart
its all part of life
i texted gustav this morning
me: roadtrip?
gustav: where to and when?
these are the type of people i need in my life
we still dont know where to or when exactly
but were making it happen
north south west
who the fuck cares
were leaving behind the petty bullshit & the high school drama
fuck ups & mistakes
& were going to make our own fun
because no one else is going to do it for you

its amazing how when you want to forget
you cant

why oh you ay are ee kay eye el el eye en gee why oh you are es ee el ef

what do you do when greener grass turns out to be a field of weeds?

burn bridges keep warm

im in virginia beach now. my past week has been insane.
d.c. lancaster philly
youd think by now id have learned kissing girls isnt worth losing friends.
i cant put anything into words. theres so much i want to say to so many people but i dont know how to or what exactly to say.
i went down to the beach last nite & it was the most amazing thing. just the sound & air & taste & feel.
theres not much i can do or say at this point
i guess just hope for the best

fuck the diagnosis fuck the critics

every time gustav & i hang out some sort of adventure always occurs & tonite i decided we should go visit our friend taylor in southampton, a suburb of northern philly. the directions said it would take an hour & a half & if anyone knows my driving they just assume i got there in 45 minutes & they would be correct. she was thoroughly surprised & it was good to see her. taylor is one of my favorite people & last time we hung out it was brief, awkward, & under weird conditions. but tonite reminded my of the summer before my senior year when her & i basically spent all day, everyday together. we werent there long, but it was amazing. the ride home consisted of too much coffee, not enough sleep, more pop punk than anyone should ever hear, a dead deer or two & their innards & somehow talking myself out of a speeding ticket that was almost 20 over the speed limit. these are the nites i live for & im going to work towards having every nite be like this.

its amazing how life picks up when you stop caring & worrying

my head explodes from thinking too much

the past two weeks have been some of the weirdest of my life
a mix of people i should & shouldnt have seen
no longer than two days in any one bed
driving in downpour
waking up to something you know will never happen again
burning bridges because in your gut it feels rite but in your head it doesnt
hours of coffee & talk of life with the one person who shaped how you are today

one of my favorite photographers has a band & theyre amazing so please listen

im in dc tomorrow nite & va beach tuesday
im less than a week into summer & its already been insane
it will be interesting to see what the next three months bring

the end of all things

this burning in my gut
is the city getting its revenge
an abusive nine month relationship
suddenly comes to end
and now im gone and i didnt even leave a note
so where do you turn
when you need stronger drinks
but all you have before you is ocean waves
these cars keep pulsating in my veins
and my eyes are the color
of the morning sun
reflecting off of garbage cans
so let me lick the words
from the walls of you lungs
and this empty apartments
all that ive got to give

i think sometimes we arent meant to understand

flip the tape

this is for the hearts still beating

growing up i got in trouble a lot & my mom would punish me in various ways. the only punishment i remember is the first time she made me run. it was the first time i had run for something other than gym class or a sport & i fucking hated it. i made it barely a half mile, i had terrible side stitch, & i was crying. i can still picture it to this day. the next time i did something wrong she made me run again & this time it wasnt so bad. & soon i was running on my own. & now when a lot of shits going on in my life i run. & for the same reasons my mom did it, i do it, to test/punish myself. the cramping in your calves, breathing so heavy your throat hurts, sweat in your eyes. soon you lose feeling & its the best feeling in the world. everything goes away, all your failed relationships, all your school work, & all your failures & fuck ups. i cant put into words the feeling & i dont think anyone can, the only people who know the feeling are the ones who have felt it. i listen to the same playlist every time i run & tonite i finished a song early, three minutes. to some thats the length of commercials, the time to cook their microwave dinner, or even some, sex, but to me thats a half mile. & after the week ive had that three minutes was the biggest accomplishment ive had in weeks. i over came all the bullshit drama, all the fucking up, all the loss & was able to push thru & theres something to be said for that.

a week from tomorrow im done with my freshman year & thats a whole other mind fuck. this year has been interesting to say the least. of the three people that had the biggest influence on me this year, one doesnt talk to me anymore, ones leaving for new york & i cant put words to the third & i dont know if thats good or bad.

the music or the misery

the used "noise and kisses"
green day "1000 hours"
-my 8th grade g/f fell in love with me i fell in love with a band
cursive "bloody murderer"
less than jake "bad scene & a basement show"
the movielife "hey"
-it always played when we never wanted it to
brand new "guernica"
-i couldnt give her half as much as shes given me
the smiths "asleep"
-the biggest regret of my life i hurt more people then i knew possible
elliott smith "rose parade"
brand new "moshi moshi (acoustic)"
something corporate "konstantine"
bjork "joga"
modest mouse "3rd planet"
-long talks in a cold car drowning in rain
jimmy eat world "night drive"
-another person i hurt (sweetness or over could also be put in here)
blink 182 "roller coaster"
-ill never be who you need me to be
some girls "i need drugs"
the get up kids "holiday"
-part three of this tragedy
bright eyes "first day of my life"
-i knew it then
saves the day "nightingale"
polar bear club "convinced im wrong"

...& everything comes together
just to fall apart

empty bottles & bitter skies

tonite at dinner we discussed our lives after college
everyone wants to use their art to get nice houses & have families
i simply said im fine with being a server the rest of my life
if i can save & travel for a few weeks every year
i realize the degree im getting is essentially useless
i dont want to have a home family or any serious commitment
i dont know who is better off
the ones with dreams that their art will provide for them
or the ones that have lost their naivety

i complain about not having any connections
but over the past year ive burned every bridge i could
& im only now looking back
i guess this is growing up

im just a confused kid

i recently switched my major from photojournalism to fine art photo
& ive been looking at a lot of photo sites
& i really just want to get in a car with some friends & spend the next 3 months
traveling & taking pictures

the new books printed
ill be binding them all this week
because of a printing error theres only 14
6 are called for so let me know if you want one

we stood in the middle of penn ave yesterday taking pictures
interesting to say the least