when the good feeling dies

its weird how peoples true colors show
once youre away from them

we are all expendable

i need to be making art
im going insane

black russian
with a touch of rice milk
dont mind if i do

i want to never back go
or talk to anyone i know again

short story in the works
for my new chap book

this is growing up

i found a job in new york
in about 15 minutes
at a vegan deli/bakery/cafe
im pretty sure it cant get better than that
oh wait it does
im seeing blink 182 & taking back sunday tonite
as much as i wasnt excited about this before
im freaking the fuck out right now
new books in the works

in 2 weeks ive flown to georgia
to tell a girl ive been dating
for about a month
that i love her
gotten a job in new york
& am seeing a band
who has been one of my favorites
for the past 10 years
& has been the start of many friendships
yea its been interesting

this scam will save us all

im in my new place
in brooklyn
melissa comes tonite

i miss savannah
not only because of chelsea
but i just miss the air
& the feeling
& the emotional calm i get
in any type of beach environment

i saw chris & sara yesterday
& while i always knew
they were two of my favorite people
its true
that you never really know what you have
til its gone

i met up with a couple people
doing the same program as me
last nite
it wasnt awkward
or good
or anything really
it just kind of was

this week will hopefully
have me
finding a job
& finishing a new book

im biking to coney island
in about 15 minutes
10 miles each way
should be interesting

i found this
& this today
it seems art lately just upsets me
because i feel ill never do anything
worth viewing

no sleep til georgia

very rarely in life
do you get a glimpse of the future
like i had this past week

new art in the works

i move into my apartment tomorrow
finally

im planning on stiff drinks
& endless records
to keep me company
til melissa moves in
sometime next week

flying 700 miles
on 12 hours notice
to see someone you care about
is quite possibly
the greatest feeling in the world

dont make me dance all nite alone

+








= georgia

sometimes i really like being me

i wonder when it all starts to make sense

this shit is amazing

everyone should see this movie
& this movie
& read this book

im currently writing a few short fiction stories
& possibly a screenplay for a short movie
that id like to make this semester
or next
all of the above
obviously dealing with
heart break
alcoholism
"growing up"
& those few songs that make life ok

brooklyn on saturday

...and this is our last dance

when (if) i have a family
i want it to be exactly like melissas
they have all been insanely nice
& generous to me the past few days
& i cant put into words
how grateful of them
that i am

i saw this band tonite
& this guy read
2 of my favorite authors
i met wes eisold singer of the band above
while it was a good show
i would have much rather
seen him with give up the ghost
or some girls

i recently realized i really love architecture
& want to design my own house some day

ive started a new book again
in a completely new form
once again
ill see where it takes me

i want to start a band
that sounds like
bukowski
planes mistaken for stars
& joy division
getting in a fight
in brooklyn
beneath the L train
on a warm summer afternoon

we both know i dont deserve a thing

melissa & i found a place today
we move in the 15th

ive been moving a lot
the past few days
its been good for my mind
ive been writing a lot also

i really miss chelsea & sara
i finally got comfortable in dc
my last month there
& then im gone
but thats how life works

found out today
one of my best friends
from high school
will be in brooklyn
the same time as me

life works in weird ways

i am the avalanche
& taking back sundays "where you want to be"
describe my life completely right now

our statues will cast a shadow on this city

friday
i left sara & chelsea at the school
in a rushed goodbye
packed up
& left big blue in 15 minutes
chris & marin at the doorstep

a short stop in lancaster
i saw tara which is always good
& met old friends at the diner

saturday i dropped my stuff
at melissas house in jersey
& went to the city
i spent the day walking
saw a couple friends
& had a lot of random events
at one point i felt like i was
in the credits of a movie

i woke to black skies
& flooded gutters
walked around in the rain
for a few hours
& took the train back
to jersey

im in a weird mental state right now
im in transit
essentially homeless
& i left 3 amazing people behind in dc
i know im back in 6 months
but its a weird situation to be in

i need to start making art
ive written a lot in the past 48 hours
& taken a lot of notes

i am the avalanche on repeat

crimes

my life is in 4 boxes
sitting in the corner of my room right now
brand new is on repeat
while someone i care about
more than most things in life
is asleep next to me
& im realizing drinking alone
probably wasnt the best idea of the nite

i just had a flash back of a sunrise
on rehoboth beach
& the breakfast that followed

my place in brooklyn fell thru
again
so im dropping my shit
at melissas familys house in jersey
& just couch surfing thru new york
for the next couple weeks

my minds a tornadoe right now
i dont know how to feel
or what to think

a public speech on a public bus

i had an anxiety attack this evening
i move to brooklyn in 3 days
i have barely anything packed
i started something i cant finish
i have a migraine worse than ive had in a while
i had one to many screwdrivers
the other evening
& got in an argument
with someone i really care about
im fucking sick of working 9-5
& dealing with inconsiderate people

my minds exactly
how i would expect it to be
right now

flesh & blood

yesterday is what life is all about
marin (my german friend)
chris sara chelsea & myself
went to brunch
& did random errands
but because of the company
it was one of the best times
ive had in a while
& today sara moved to gtown u
to be an ra
& before shes done
im moving to brooklyn
& then marin goes back to germany
& its all over just like that

im cleaning out
& getting rid of 90%
of my books & cds
& if you know me
then you know
im having a terrible time

give em hell

the books on hold for the time being
i was making it
for the fact that
i was stuck in a continuous stumble
of sorts
but ive recently
fallen into something good
however i am moving to brooklyn
in 2 weeks
so we will see what happens

its amazing how certain situations
can change your understanding of things
less than jakes "hopeless case"
always seemed like a miserable
confession of fucking up
an open ended letter
stating all the reasons
its hard to wake up in the morning
but i realized the other day
its a letter to someone
who makes you feel worthy of living
no matter how bad you fuck up
or hate yourself
theyre there to help you
& love you
music is amazing sometimes

to remember or to forget

the show today was amazing
only 3 people showed up
& one of them was a kid from germany
doing an internship in dc
he will most likely be living with me
the next couple weeks
all the bands were amazing
& it was one of those
beautiful punk rock moments
we didnt have a pa
but everyone was screaming
& sweating
& sun pouring in thru the front windows
my ears are still ringing
all of them
were completely awesome guys
some of the nicest people ive ever met
& theyre now crowded
9 across
on my living room floor

i got to share a drink
with one of my oldest friends tonite
& it was awesome
& strangely fitting
& weve both come from the same background
& realized we dont need to be like others
we can do what we want
& still be us
& it was all a strangely beautiful day

my beds still prepared for two
i hope the citys treating you well

a road that never ends

ive been sharing a bed
the past few nites
& its been surprisingly nice

the books moving slower
but im getting there
its harder than you think
summing up 7 years
into 30 or so pages

pops is coming into town
tomorrow nite for dinner
& justins band will be here sunday
chris & sara are in california
til tuesday
the big blue house is empty again

hit or miss

going swimming
in the ocean
at 430 am
with some of your best friends
is one of the best things in the world

the books in the design stages
hopefully by this weekend
it will be done

im ready to be in ny
i have 4 weeks left in dc
im not trying to start anything
i cant finish
not that thats ever stopped me before

release the dogs

i found this today
& it further proves my theory
that kevin spacey can do no wrong

sara decided she was going home to ny
for a couple days
which leaves me alone in the big blue house
its equal parts awesome
& lonely

the writing of the book
has me pretty fucked up
mentally
im basically trying to condense
7 years of failed relationships
& its mildly overwhelming

possibly va beach this weekend
which would be nice

ill be sorry tomorrow

so i had one too many screwdrivers
& tried to kiss a girl
ive liked for almost two years
biked home alone
& punched two holes in the wall
& woke up with
<3 ass
on my arm
you win some
you lose some

im in a limbo state rite now
i need something
anything
to fight
to fuck
to scream
to cry
to love
to destory
to break
to create

i cant face the world anymore

im leaving dc august 1
while i know im going to miss
the big blue house
i cant fucking wait
to get the hell out

i cant say i blame you but i wish that i could

so i had one too many screwdrivers
made an ass out of myself
in front of a girl i really care about
forgot about a pint of vegan ice cream in my bag
& woke up to
what do you do when you cant stand yourself anymore
scribbled on my arm with sharpie
you win some
you lose some

a new book is in full swing
i have eight hours tomorrow
that i just plan on collecting
& scanning
& i hopefully will have it done
by the end of next weekend

taking back sunday "tell all your friends"

neverlasting

went to lancaster this past weekend
it had its highs & lows like usual
people have changed
including myself
theres no denying that time kills friendships
its just no one wants to admit it
not even a miserable bastard like myself

if you read this site you know my love of braid
bob nanna of braid has new band
& its amazing
the female vocals are such an amazing addition

the camp at corcoran that ive been organizing
for the past few weeks
started today
& it all went really well
we will see how the next 6 weeks go over

if all goes according to plan
im going to be spending
august thru january
in new york city
& ive decided to deal
almost exclusively with video

i dont know why
but im still amazed
at the way some people act
saw someone yesterday
& she said we still on for tomorrow
i said of course
i called & texted her today
no reply

alkaline trio "alkaline trio"
braid "movie music vol. 1"
gaslight anthem "sink or swim"
all on constant repeat