release the dogs

i found this today
& it further proves my theory
that kevin spacey can do no wrong

sara decided she was going home to ny
for a couple days
which leaves me alone in the big blue house
its equal parts awesome
& lonely

the writing of the book
has me pretty fucked up
mentally
im basically trying to condense
7 years of failed relationships
& its mildly overwhelming

possibly va beach this weekend
which would be nice

ill be sorry tomorrow

so i had one too many screwdrivers
& tried to kiss a girl
ive liked for almost two years
biked home alone
& punched two holes in the wall
& woke up with
<3 ass
on my arm
you win some
you lose some

im in a limbo state rite now
i need something
anything
to fight
to fuck
to scream
to cry
to love
to destory
to break
to create

i cant face the world anymore

im leaving dc august 1
while i know im going to miss
the big blue house
i cant fucking wait
to get the hell out

i cant say i blame you but i wish that i could

so i had one too many screwdrivers
made an ass out of myself
in front of a girl i really care about
forgot about a pint of vegan ice cream in my bag
& woke up to
what do you do when you cant stand yourself anymore
scribbled on my arm with sharpie
you win some
you lose some

a new book is in full swing
i have eight hours tomorrow
that i just plan on collecting
& scanning
& i hopefully will have it done
by the end of next weekend

taking back sunday "tell all your friends"

neverlasting

went to lancaster this past weekend
it had its highs & lows like usual
people have changed
including myself
theres no denying that time kills friendships
its just no one wants to admit it
not even a miserable bastard like myself

if you read this site you know my love of braid
bob nanna of braid has new band
& its amazing
the female vocals are such an amazing addition

the camp at corcoran that ive been organizing
for the past few weeks
started today
& it all went really well
we will see how the next 6 weeks go over

if all goes according to plan
im going to be spending
august thru january
in new york city
& ive decided to deal
almost exclusively with video

i dont know why
but im still amazed
at the way some people act
saw someone yesterday
& she said we still on for tomorrow
i said of course
i called & texted her today
no reply

alkaline trio "alkaline trio"
braid "movie music vol. 1"
gaslight anthem "sink or swim"
all on constant repeat

i lied my face off

play this album
24 hours a day
for 4 days
& then come talk to me
until then
leave me the fuck alone

name them after movie stars

recently watched
diner
& kiss kiss bang bang
both are added to my top 10 list

i want to be 20 in 1955
is that too much to ask?

i found this video at work today
& watched it at least 5 or 6 times in a row
also this video is slow at first
but the shot at 3:14 is absolutely amazing

i really want to start focusing on video
i love photography
but i want it to be an accessory in life
i dont want it to be my life

chris went to leesburg
sara was supposed to be home today
but is still in albany
aris went home with her boyfriend
mikey went home for a wedding
& everyone else is 21
ive had a lonely nite
& i have a meeting at 9 am
welcome to summer?

& lastly
it makes me sad
that shit like this
actually exists

barred for life

im going to apoligize for what follows
ive had a lot on my mind recently
& this is the dump for it
so the following will be haphazard
& long winded

i found this song the other day
fucking amazing
i lose my breathe a little
at 6:40 every time

with every blink182 video
that surfaces
i become less & less excited
about their reunion
tom still cant sing
& they just dont look like
theyre enjoying themselves

a thunderstorm everyday this week
has been pretty fucking solid

i was supposed to have
vegan meatloaf
& roasted asparagus
with a girlie tonite
but she never called
(story of my life)
so instead
i cooked for chris & tim
& watched control

with getting out of work
at 1 everyday
& not working nites & weekends
ive been cooking a lot more
& have really enjoyed it
& decided in the future
id really like to open
a vegan restaurant

ive been biking to georgetown everyday
between that
running
& other chores on the bike
im beat by the end of the nite
ive also cut all soda & coffee
from my diet

saras out of town til sunday
& chris may be leaving friday
which leaves a boring
next few days

saw the movie
wendy & lucy
the other nite
it was good
it made me really want to do a movie

once school starts again
im going to try
& really focus on
installations
& videos

the books coming together in pieces
just a lot of scraps of paper
& ideas at this point

i need out of dc soon
but i need a paycheck first

braid "frame & canvas"
modern life is war "witness"

what the fuck have you done

i want a girl thats like a taking back sunday song
or one like a nofx song
i want a relationship thats like a saves the day song
rancid or gaslight anthem work too
but i just keep finding myself in give up the ghost songs
with blood brothers girls

a weekend of highs & lows
add another name to each list
& wake up tomorrow
& keep moving forward

a book is seriously in the works
i havent felt this much need for ventilation
since february of senior year
& thats when shit collapsed
& i made a work im still proud of
which is rare for me

im extremely restless
i thought i had it worked out
a semi routine
that offered a regular smile

when you feel safest
is when you are most vulnerable

same story
different girl

my life my war

there is no greater feeling
than a good run
in a downpour

i stumbled into a semi strangers bed
& woke up infatuated

fuck complications

headached heads

i was talking with a friend the other nite
& she asked me what my ultimate career was
& i said i just wanted to wander
& i never wanted a true career
& she told me all sorts of noble careers
she is hoping to obtain
& then she said she wishes
she had the guts to not have plans or goals like me
& i said its its only cuz
i dont have the guts
to put in the commitment it takes to have a career

chris walker moved out of the big blue house
so im living in his room for the summer
a bed my desk & a stereo
thats all i need

people complain of shit
being confusing & complicated
but its only that way because you make it
& you thrive off of it
just keep life simple
go where you wanna go
do what you want
& kiss who you please
lifes to short for petty bullshit

big stuff on the horizon
a musical/ poetry/ photography release
between a fellow artist & myself
a book of collected works thus far in my life
& a hopefully a release or two from a couple bands

give up the ghost on repeat

pictures apoligies

this bed has simply become
a milemarker
keeping tabs on the number of times
i fail
a record of the people im not with
& the places im not seeing

wastin time

theres not much better
than 3 days at the beach with your dad
then driving home
blasting green day & blink 182
with a cute girl waiting for your arrival

the world at our fingertips

ive spent so many nites
on couches & floors
i cant even sleep in my own bed anymore
it just isnt comfortable
i want to be moving & traveling
i dont want to be in this house
around these people
in this city
i want a new life
i just dont have the guts to go for it

home is where you make it

im back in dc
& while im not excited to be back
i am excited for all i hope to accomplish
this summer
this trip was extremely inspiring

jackson mississippi
was the highlight of the trip
we were only going to spend a nite
but we ended up sticking around for another nite
everyone there was amazing
& the city was beautiful as well
& jumping off dune barriers
into a river the color of shit
with mississippi teens
will forever be a highlight in my life

we survived
serial killer/ scary movie like events
in savannah
& drank with bike punks in richmond
but now were back to the district
& daily lives

its gonna be the summer of doing amazing shit

i keep goin round

sara wasnt feeling well 

so i drove from maryland 

to nashville

11 hours is a long time to drive

we almost died in west virginia

sandwiched between an 18 wheeler & a moving truck

some how i got us out alive

nashvilles really gorgeous 

we went downtown yesterday 

& walked around

leaving for jackson mississippi 

in about half an hour

were staying with a photography

who lives in a group house

theres nothing more in life

i love more than traveling

it just clears my head

& leaves me relaxed 

& without a care in the world

the keystone of a crumbling life

being back in lancaster is weird
ive never brought anyone from school
back with me for an extended period of time
showing sara around was fun
& it brought back a lot of good memories
& while it was an amazing nite
a departure time of 10 am tomorrow
sounds perfect

tyler justin gustav & bethany
are always good times
& having sara along only made it all better

& i swear to god
taras hugs can cure cancer
ive gotten more from hugging her
than i have from sleeping with some girls

nashville tomorrow
& a horseshoe of the south to follow

taking back sunday
& less than jake
on repeat

before i lose everything

all these cars passin by
& none of them seem to go my way

in nyc & I've never felt more lonely

717 today

the bible belt tomorrow

a gift i dont deserve

have heart just announced
they are breaking up
after their current world tour
that means ill be
in philly 8/14
& nyc 9/12

i found these guys
in mrr in like 10th grade
immediately got their 7 inch
& convinced my dad to hook up
his record player
so i could listen to it

i like a ton of the bands i do today
because of these guys

one circle ends
& another begins

the south
is screaming my name
thru treadless tires
& hot pavement

scabby knees

spent the nite
talking with someone
ive only met once before
& it was good to have conversation
pick up
where it left off months ago

a bike trip got canceled
because of logistics
& a car trip has now taken its place

im officially done with
my sophomore year of college
weird