if we never meet again it would be to soon

i wanna create something worth while
change some high school fuckers life

i fucking hate art school

cuttin teeth cuttin ties

another project done
& still the only thing i can think
is that i dont want to be here
with every project i think it will change
but it never does

ive stopped talking to a lot of people
& i am completely satisfied
with knowing i will never
see or speak to those people again

maybe all this is because
ive been reading bukowski lately

& i whole heartedly believe
that thursdays new album
has changed the face of the planet

nuns with vices

so if all works out
i will be in portland oregon
from august til december of this year
it will give me a chance
to get away from
everyone & everything

thursday "common existence" is still in heavy rotation

the knife

what do you do
when you finally realize
youre the type of person
that you hate

feed the fire

im fine with cutting people out of my life
but theres still those few people
that i wake up
thinking about every morning
it hurts the same everyday

to those i hurt
im sorry

deftones "white pony"

& the people sang

ive been writing more
i read at transformer gallery last nite
& it went over well
hopefully i can read more often
in the not to distant future

my ipod had a seizure yesterday morning
im freaking out a little with out it

the new thursday album is amazing

life rite now is very similar
to the good lifes "album of the year"
the only thing is
the song doesnt have a happy ending
& the part of that that worries me
is the fact that i cant decide
if thats good or bad

ugly valentine

getting your hopes up
is worse than sleeping alone

im a wreck im a mess

a guy i work with
& i talked for a while
after work tonite
& i realized ive got alot
of fucked up social problems

my dads coming thursday
& bethany friday
should be an interesting week

i cant open up

looks like i lost the eagerness first

sometimes its ok to hate yourself

bayside & black flag on heavy rotation

im looking to go camping over spring break
possibly north carolina
florida
or northern pa

a sign there may actually be a god?

blink 182 is back together
& planning a summer album

finish it

ive been missing va beach & my dad a lot lately

since monday at 6
life has been highs & lows
with no middle ground whatsoever

thursdays new album is on constant repeat
& it destroys anything
youve ever heard or felt before

i finally found someone who is as eager as i am
but now im nervous
because i know how quickly
that eagerness can fade

every dog has its day

new loves
new fights
fresh drinks
fresh lips

when you go to bed before 4 am
you just arent having fun

my fever is gone & so are you

friday march 27
the number 12 looks like you
south hackensack new jersey

saturday march 28
gaslight anthem
troc philly

sunday march 29
converge
unitarian church philly

quite possibly the best weekend of my life

not if but when

new book
ten photos
ten poems
each photo/poem
based on a past
failed relationship
friend &/or lover
print edition of ten
full color
hand sewn
just another step
in digging yourself out
of a self dug grave

i need to feel you near me

i just want to live by myself
in some little midwest town
in a studio apartment
my mattress on the floor
record player in the corner
& bookshelves against the wall
& i want to be a waiter
& live a quiet life
& not no anyone
or form any connections

who are you kidding

i cant relate to a middle class white girl
who likes the same shit as me
& is going to college also

let alone a girl born in ethiopia
living in america
working for a living
to pay for food & shelter

i saw my future this past week
i worked everyday 11am to 11 pm
came home
passed out
& went back to work the next morning
it wasnt so bad

do we go on alone?

its one of those nites
when you say fuck it
& just give up

im down for whatever

i realized recently
how much music completely effects my life

im still caught up over a girl
(who wants nothing to do with me)
because we spent a nite
lying on her living room floor
playing scrabble
listening to smiths vinyl
& pop punk music
that normally gets us laughed at

i have a mix i made
march of last year
that i still listen to frequently
& i remember the girl i made it for
& the girl i made it because of it
& the endless nites i spent running
in dc/ pa/ & virginia beach
listening to it

& ive come to terms
in the past couple weeks
that i really hurt someone
& i saw the person tonite
& its the same awkward situation
ive been in a million times
except on the otherside
& i didnt know what to do or say
so i biked home
& laid in bed & listened
to the get up kids
& while this doesnt make the situation
any different
it brings a certain level of personal contentness

a boy trapped in the body of a man

restless
unmotivated
confused
hypocritical
repressed
rude
pissed
static

ive been back three days
& im done
i was excited to be back in dc
that feelings gone
i need to wake to snow storms in rochester
seagulls in brooklyn
a different sleeping situation every nite
i need to meet someone new
i was talked into having dinner tonite
with someone i dont really want to see again

i buzzed my head
hoping the change would bring
some level of comfort
fail

fuck dc during inauguration
half the cities
closed down or blocked off
& cops are douche bags

paranoid about a fuck me dress

im back in dc
while the trip was amazing
its good to be back
but i have a feeling
this state of contention
wont last long

the florida trips off
the funds arent there
on my or my fathers side

im working on changing
i dont like a lot about myself
& i have the power to change
so im going to

i traveled almost two thousand miles
in two weeks
hopefully spring break will see just as many miles

they call holidays an option for good reason

sometimes things take a little a while
tonite was meant to happen
& it made this fairly shitty week
completely ok & worthwhile

life is a movie sometimes

im in dc tomorrow
nyc sunday
& canada there after

ive never been one for new years
my own personal new years
is usually around april 10

but a few albums have really been there for me this year
so i thought id make a list
1) the gaslight anthem "the 59 sound"
2) polar bear club "sometimes things just disappear"
3) dillinger four "civil war"
4) la grecia "on parallels"

ive had a year of ups & downs
but if tonites any indicator of the future
2009 should be pretty amazing