i want to know why college is the only answer anyone can give me
parents friends teachers
i tell anyone i dont want to be in school
& all they say is you have to
school isnt for me
i cant do the academics i cant do the learning
the projects the everything
its not my place
photo is all i know & i cant imagine doing anything else
but being in school for it still hasnt set in
& im not sure it ever will

i watching stand by me
& i want my life to be an early 20 year olds version of this movie
i need that adventure
that search
i was talking to a friend last nite
telling her i wanted to travel
& have no commitment to anyone or anything
& she just kept telling me id eventually give in because id be lonely
& no one seems to understand
im happiest when im alone
& somewhere ive never been

about this time every year
i question everything

i need a major change
im just not sure what

partners in crime

you ditch something really good
for something you think is better
& then better turns into nothing at all

in search of augustine

this time last year i was lying in bed with a girl who meant more to me than words can express & across the room was a girl who at the time i had no idea the impact she would have on my life
as of rite now im writing a paper about hamlet while listening to thriller
this doesnt even begin to explain how weird life has been recently

you learn to swim by being thrown in the water

i feel like a waste of space
a let down to those who need me
i want to quit everything
& take that one in a million chance

like getting kicked in the teeth

it all feels weird & pointless

...that shit you heard about me
well some of its true...

i woke up this morning from a dream
about failing my photo class
because a project wasnt done
im not even a week into the semester

lifes had its weird ups & downs lately
but i was recently reminded that i still have morals
which pleasantly surprised me

i went shooting with chris & sara yesterday
it was good to get out & shoot again
photos the only thing that ive ever really known how to do

all i keep thinking about is that nite in your bed
gaslight anthem on repeat

are you here for the party?

i sit on the counter top
while you spill blood on my kitchen floor
half empty bottle
broken
a cocktail
of champagne & dna
i suture & sew
& lay the seeds
but youre soon gone
as a result of
mutual friends
not wanting us
to be in each others company

its one of those nites
when you just want to
sit with someone
& talk

but youve cut everyone
who cares about you
out of your life

im not sure whats worse
you wanting to keep me a secret
or the fact that im ok with that

my friend believes everyone can find their soulmate on craigslist
i believe everyone can find their soulmate in new york city

my house has spent the whole day playing super mario 3
tremendous amounts of cursing has ensued

i went to coney island this morning
& it was honestly the happiest ive ever been
i spent the day with matt around new york
dinner with katy & melissa
& one of the best record stores ive ever been to
today was one of the best days of my life
im sitting in an apartment in brooklyn
watching saved by the bell with melissa
im looking to do a new book soon
a photo series
& some sort of group project

la grecia & gaslight anthem are still in heavy rotation

as amazing of a time as im having
part of me still misses
those few warm summer nites

drunk on a rooftop
overlooking the district
im puking confessions
& regrets
between two parked cars i scream
"stop pretending
you even care
the least little bit about me"
we all know im at the top
of your list of
"shouldnt have fucked"
so drink your drink
& kiss the kid in the corner
ill be fine by morning

your presence lasts long after youre gone

its an interesting feeling knowing something no one else ever will

in my head im already gone

my house is amazing
chris & i decided we want to live in ikea
everythings pretty much in its place
sara moves in tomorrow
& the other chris this coming weekend
the past 4 days have been amazing
its all a blur rite now

listen to green day "stuart & the ave"

i can smell the city already

i move back to dc today
my summers been a whirlwind of everything
it started mothers day weekend
an all niter with someone ill never see again
& scattered from then til now
have been some of the best times of my life
the hes the hero sleepover at my aunts
seeing my dad for longer then a couple days at a time
getting eaten alive by mosquitoes
arguments over coffee
i cant do this summer justice
of course ive fucked up & hurt people
some of them dont even know it yet
but with the highs also come the lows
but within 12 hours ill never live in Lancaster again
& that to me trumps all

shut up & kiss me

we stutter
& slur
& spit
arguments
over coffee
a sinner preaching god
& confessing failures
to ears that couldnt care less

i move to dc friday
my rooms trashed rite now
i have way more shit than i need
my to do list seems to be getting bigger everyday

listening to pony up! & lagrecia

the greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one

broken bones & nasty cuts

i just woke up from a dream
i happened to be passing thru your town
& saw you sweeping your front porch
i turned & ran
i tripped barely half a block away
my teeth met the concrete with tremendous force
& flew out of my mouth
all the concrete in sight turned a dark red
i heard your laugh from behind me
but i couldnt bring myself to turn
& look you in the eyes