its one of those nites
when you just want to
sit with someone
& talk

but youve cut everyone
who cares about you
out of your life

im not sure whats worse
you wanting to keep me a secret
or the fact that im ok with that

my friend believes everyone can find their soulmate on craigslist
i believe everyone can find their soulmate in new york city

my house has spent the whole day playing super mario 3
tremendous amounts of cursing has ensued

i went to coney island this morning
& it was honestly the happiest ive ever been
i spent the day with matt around new york
dinner with katy & melissa
& one of the best record stores ive ever been to
today was one of the best days of my life
im sitting in an apartment in brooklyn
watching saved by the bell with melissa
im looking to do a new book soon
a photo series
& some sort of group project

la grecia & gaslight anthem are still in heavy rotation

as amazing of a time as im having
part of me still misses
those few warm summer nites

drunk on a rooftop
overlooking the district
im puking confessions
& regrets
between two parked cars i scream
"stop pretending
you even care
the least little bit about me"
we all know im at the top
of your list of
"shouldnt have fucked"
so drink your drink
& kiss the kid in the corner
ill be fine by morning

your presence lasts long after youre gone

its an interesting feeling knowing something no one else ever will

in my head im already gone

my house is amazing
chris & i decided we want to live in ikea
everythings pretty much in its place
sara moves in tomorrow
& the other chris this coming weekend
the past 4 days have been amazing
its all a blur rite now

listen to green day "stuart & the ave"

i can smell the city already

i move back to dc today
my summers been a whirlwind of everything
it started mothers day weekend
an all niter with someone ill never see again
& scattered from then til now
have been some of the best times of my life
the hes the hero sleepover at my aunts
seeing my dad for longer then a couple days at a time
getting eaten alive by mosquitoes
arguments over coffee
i cant do this summer justice
of course ive fucked up & hurt people
some of them dont even know it yet
but with the highs also come the lows
but within 12 hours ill never live in Lancaster again
& that to me trumps all

shut up & kiss me

we stutter
& slur
& spit
arguments
over coffee
a sinner preaching god
& confessing failures
to ears that couldnt care less

i move to dc friday
my rooms trashed rite now
i have way more shit than i need
my to do list seems to be getting bigger everyday

listening to pony up! & lagrecia

the greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one

broken bones & nasty cuts

i just woke up from a dream
i happened to be passing thru your town
& saw you sweeping your front porch
i turned & ran
i tripped barely half a block away
my teeth met the concrete with tremendous force
& flew out of my mouth
all the concrete in sight turned a dark red
i heard your laugh from behind me
but i couldnt bring myself to turn
& look you in the eyes

add me to your list of let downs & regrets

forget me nots

you took my guard down
brought me back to square one
i dont know what to do
think
say
feel
act
nothing

i want to breathe your breath
& taste your spit

im in dc in less than 2 weeks
& thats 2 weeks too long

(cadillacs & cigarettes)
im the best selling whore
on the worst corner in town
& while all my engagement rings
come from twenty five cent machines
at least ive got enough love to go around

you spend your whole life searching for the adult that you are
and spend the rest of it searching for the child that you were

standing in the river drowning

i love being around people who just want to have fun
i spent the morning with the girl that is my only random hook up, a crush from freshman year, & a long time friend that i rarely see. all in the name of cliff diving. no cliffs were found but that had quickly become just a side note to the adventure. sing alongs to pop punk. rope swings. im not doing any of this justice. but this morning reaffirmed my life & just added to my fuck the diagnosis/fuck the critics view. life is about fun. no drama/ no bullshit/ no cares.
its only after youve lost everything that youre free to do anything

my feet arent seeds

so continues the constant movement that is my life
in 3 weeks ill be living in a big blue house in dc
work has pretty much taken over my life
ive become friends with exs
& exs friends with each other
i never unpacked from when i left dc
ive been living out of a tupperware containter with my clothes
so im unpacking & repacking everything
i hardly see anyone anymore
& im ok with that

i guess this is growing up

thanks to a couple good friends & someone id never met
i got to shoot warped tour yesterday
i was excited
but quickly realized i wasnt 14 anymore
i saw 3 bands set your goals/ gaslight anthem/ bouncing souls
it was worth the trip to see my friends & those 3 bands alone
last time i went to warped tour was 3 summers ago
& it still was a decent line up
these days its just bad metalcore bands
& a suprising number of pop groups
i did get the new have heart tho & its beyond words in amazingness
working all day everyday til god knows when
but ill be in dc soon

i cant wait til im back in the city

ive got a love/hate relationship with philly
& and its an ever growing battle in my head
justin & i saw hot water music last nite at the troc
i passed them behind the club & was able take the above photo
we drove back & got home around 2am
i woke up this morning for work at 8
voiceless bruised ribs & ridiculously tired
but well worth it
justin & i are doing a musical project
im excited to get my words out in a different way
my time in lancaster is going quick which is good
chris is looking at apartments in dc today

icons of nothing

lancaster has been nothing more or less than i expected
working a lot
way too much time at diners
& the same half dozen people almost daily
im just kind of going thru the motions at this point
til i leave for dc
how water music & philly are this time next week
which will include 2 of my favorite people

between two cities
more than a little love is lost
we sleep in the same bed now
but its just not the same
as that first nite
i capsized the alphabet
& screamed your name
thru another cigarette sunrise
as weve learned in recent weeks
when the scrabble board spells
champagne & oral sex
its gonna be a long nite