they call holidays an option for good reason

sometimes things take a little a while
tonite was meant to happen
& it made this fairly shitty week
completely ok & worthwhile

life is a movie sometimes

im in dc tomorrow
nyc sunday
& canada there after

ive never been one for new years
my own personal new years
is usually around april 10

but a few albums have really been there for me this year
so i thought id make a list
1) the gaslight anthem "the 59 sound"
2) polar bear club "sometimes things just disappear"
3) dillinger four "civil war"
4) la grecia "on parallels"

ive had a year of ups & downs
but if tonites any indicator of the future
2009 should be pretty amazing

my fists in the air

telling someone who thinks they can do no wrong
exactly what theyve done wrong
is just a waste of your own breath & time
all you can do
is learn from them
& make sure you dont follow in their footsteps

ive never been one to just sit back
& let shit happen
ive made a life of calling people out
on their shit
but this time
im biting my tongue
& i can only assume
ill be tasting blood

keeping the peace
in a war torn state

ive never been
& never will be
who you need
or want me to be

ive watched the 2nd season
of how i met your mother
& am about half way done with season 3

i am not anything

its a weird feeling that comes over me
when the big blue house is empty
my bed is in the front bay window
when i lay down
the rest of the house is before me
& it feels like an infinite calm

lancaster tomorrow
im going into it with the best intentions

my music purchases have been a bit ridiculous

im ready to be traveling
this time next week
ill be in monroe new york with sara
& soon after niagra falls
& possibly toronto
its a pretty open ended trip
which is the only way i can imagine it being

im going to try & sleep some tonite
im taking the train tomorrow
& i always have mild anxiety with trains
planes buses cars are all fine
but i fucking hate trains

silence is hard to find

shorebirds "its gonna get ugly" owns

random adventures with best friends
in other peoples cars
is the best way to spend an afternoon

i need snow
& i need it now

the roommates will all be gone
by tomorrow when i wake up
& i cant decide
if im happy or sad

i cant wait for break
adventures with sara
& a roadtrip with my dad
& 4 days in lancaster
sounds like an awesome fucking time

too much caffeine in the blood stream

the semesters over
its nice but also weird
i was continuously moving for 3 weeks
& now suddenly it all comes to a dead halt

my photo final went over well
everyone liked it
i still dont

lancaster
this time next week
should be interesting
considering i wont have a car

i cant wait to be traveling

im saving this seat for you

i went to a formal last nite
having no previous knowledge of what a formal was
i agreed then realized what i had gotten myself into
i never went to a dance in high school
so i felt like this would be a learning experience
& i learned i didnt miss out on anything by not going

also when my "date" answered her door
she looked me up & down
& said
you look like the fucking unabomber
thats how i do formal i guess

it took me a while to get into the new dillinger four
but now that i am
its all i can listen to

fiddling while rome burns

im an asshole because i care
when a girl im attracted to
shows any possibility
of even coming close to reciprocating
any interest
i become an asshole
& make rude & mean comments
its my defense mechanism
to save me or her
ive yet to figure out

over winter break im going to niagra falls & florida

im trying to do a lot
& change alot

the book will hopefully be a fairly intense project
concepts
titles
inspirations
everything slowly coming together

currently listening
less than jake "in with the out crowd"

picking poisons & talking shit

i fucked up again
kind of ironic
that i realize this
while in the process
of completing a series
based on my ability
to continually destroy
any sort of relationship im in

listening:
the number twelve looks like you "mongrel"
circle takes the square "as the roots undo"
planes mistaken for stars "up in them guts"

everyones back in the house
& its really weird
i really enjoyed having the house to myself

freaks & geeks is done
it made me really nostalgic for high school
which if you know me
is a rare thing
but it laid the groundwork for some inspiration
so ill see where it takes me

lots of thinking happened over the past few days
& im really going to start trying to make some changes

you told me once i made you smile

but we both know damn well i didnt

this has been one of the best breaks ive ever had

motivational talks that last til 5 am
& commence at 7 am
are really fucking tiring
but well worth every word & minute

im half way thru watching the entire series of freaks & geeks
& it wrecks my life

my music purchases are still way out of hand

im scheming & dreaming

im looking to go to new england sometime soon
& im trying for la over spring break

currently playing
modern life is war "midnight in america"
hop along, queen ansleis "freshman year"
murder by death "who will survive & what will be left of them

im at that point in my life again
where im reading ridiculous amounts
of rollins & bukowski

a house is not a home

the big blue house is empty tonite
& will be til saturday or sunday
everyone went home for thanksgiving

im looking to do a new book soon
im slowly gathering inspirations
poetry/ essays/ photos/ design
hopefully a delicate combination of all of the above

its going to be nice to not see the same people
for a few days

ive been thinking a lot about next year recently
trying to figure out what im going to be doing
ive got a few ideas
but i think im going to keep them to myself

you cant let false hopes & meaning less notes get you down

my new unicorn

currently listening
murder by death "who will survive & what will be left of them"
braid "frame & canvas"
alkaline trio "remains"

greatness aint no race

my gaslight anthem & braid vinyl came today
things are looking up
i dont know why people kid themselves
vinyl is the only medium worthwhile

gaslight anthem has had an effect on me
not seen since give up the ghost

im excited about my new photo project
it deals with real life shit
as opposed to just being good photos

new writings in the works

my dad called me today
& asked if id want to go
on a roadtrip over winter break
in that instant
some of the pieces of life
fell into place

i wish the 59 sound would have come out
my senior year of high school
because its the perfect album
for driving around on cold winter nites
singing along with your friends
but im making the best
of sitting alone in my living room
thinking about two girls

anyone who reads this
knows ive been kinda shitty as of late
well i just found video
of the get up kids reunion
from this past weekend
& this is the capper on 3 shitty weeks

corey chris & i were talking last nite
about a girl i recently met
& corey said i should just play hard to get
& chris said what i was thinking in my head
when jordan plays hard to get
he never hears from them again

my music collection is growing
while my bank account dwindles
as sara stated last nite
music is my crack

i need out of dc soon
im trying to figure out a niagra falls trip

i want to be half the person atticus finch is

our first party went well
nothing broke
no one cried
& clean up was easy
i was surprised

last nite i made my 6th purchase
of give up the ghost "were down til were underground"

i dont know what im doing

ive been pretty miserable as of late
so i went to the record store tonite
& got 6 cds
2 records
& a 7 inch
i kill my misery with music

im counting the days til
braid /frames & canvas
& gaslight anthem /sink or swim & 59 sound
hit my doorstep

everyday it gets harder & harder to get out of bed

the big blue house is hosting a party saturday nite
i usually leave parties early
so it will be interesting to see
where i run to this time around

the last time i listened to elliotts "false cathedrals"
i was in my car
fogging the windows
with a girl who shouldnt have been talking to me
let alone making out with me

her & i dont talk anymore
& my car has since been sold
but calvary song
still makes my heart swell
& throat clench up

keep pushing on

i still cant get to sleep
& when i do its only for a short time

ive been writing in short bursts

i finished my big photo project
but i dont feel relieved at all
two more still to be finished

i hate the holidays
but im excited for xmas in the big blue house

i miss autumn in suburbia

hot water music "bleeder" at 33 rpm
is about all that gets me thru the days lately

im confused how you can share certain moments with people
fresh smiles
amazing laughs
new hope
& then just stop talking for days on end

i realized tonite that im "that guy"
when girls are talking about that bad date
when friends talk about the person who hangs around but they dont want there
when people talk about the kid who talks to much about dumb shit
im that guy

im going to talk less
do more
& be more of the person i want to be

the simplicity is beautiful

merely minutes after the results of the election were in
sirens car horns & voices
were all screaming in unison
the area in which i live
erupted with people
stopping traffic
& flooding the street
the amount of love & unity to go around was amazing
i hope it was all for good reason

certain situations lately have not been in my favor
& someone everyday since last thursday
has told me im awkward or made fun of my voice
like ive never heard either before

& proof of how fucked up i am rite now mentally
im giving away
give up the ghost "were down til were underground"
& gaslight anthem "the 59 sound"
either im desperate or just a fucking moron

hot water music "bleeder"
lawrence arms "like a record player"