so much has changed 

it seems

nothing ever changes

a few days ago

i was a 747 

hitting a bullet train

now 

im the aftermath of that

try hard not to walk away

my new video is done

a few days of no sleep

& some sweet wounds

new project is entitled

i hereby apologize for the damage done

photo portion is still in the works

i have scanning & printing to do this week

titled please dont leave me

& the third part 

is going to be a book of some sort

words images maybe some design

not sure yet

but the working title is

anyone else isnt you

basically im finally accepting 

the fact that

im an extreme codependent

with extreme commitment issues

i also recently had an ex 

tell me that

her need for therapy 

could be pinpointed to me

i figured i should start 

dealing with some shit

the damage done

i filmed a video/performance
monday nite
better results than i expected
but i have to reshoot it
tonite
ill post it this weekend sometime
hopefully

ive met a couple friends
& its been good for my mental stability

lots of inspiration as of late

its rare that i like an artists
entire body of work
but these are gorgeous

makes me miss the south

this just makes me happy

this girl comes into my cafe

i want a photo of myself
looking exactly like this

gorgeous

badass

perfection in photo form

my chemical romance
"three cheers for sweet revenge"
has been on repeat
& im strangely ok with that

work is slowly being made
crit friday
i hope i get destroyed
i seem to make better art
when no one else likes it at first

whats the fun in life
if there isnt a fight?

the chandelier swing

adding to the list of holy fuck moments

lars frederiksen of rancid

just happened to stroll into

the cafe where i work

tonight

i stood there speechless

& mumbled something of a thanks

& was in shock for a bit

& for the rest of the nite

...and out come the wolves was on repeat

its been a while 

since ive had an all niter

in the name of art

& its kind of refreshing

my mind right now

is a 747 hitting a bullet train head on

broken glass & razorwire

currently in dc

its nice to be here

but its also nice to know 

ill be leaving in a couple days

still mentally fucked

not unhappy

but also not very happy

i have midsemester crit

next week for my studio program

im going to have a few images

& hopefully a video

which by the end of the semester 

will become a 3 part series entitled

please dont leave me

comprised of 10-15 photos

a video

& a book

but we will see where this ends up

you can never say

i dont have good intentions

less than jake

dillinger four

senses fail

taking back sunday

all on repeat

basically anything 

with self deprecating lyrics

& is embarassing to tell people

you still listen to

this guy knows how to make art

im in constant search 

of something else

& i dont know if its

dedication

or stupidity

this joke isnt funny anymore

dear new york

you are a fucking shit hole cesspool

im not really sure what anyone ever saw in you

sincerely

jordan

cue less than jake "anthem"

&/or hot water music "caution"

can you unsink a ship

im starting to wonder
if theres something
seriously mentally wrong with me
the high & lows
happen so quick these days
i was extremely happy
with the last 8-10 rolls of film
that i shot
but i had 2 one on ones today
one with a critic/ teacher
& one with a visiting artist
neither went well
& so in my mind
those rolls mean nothing
theyre done & the negatives are gone
you move on i guess

im also coming to realize
just how much of a codependent i am
but also how much
of a commitment problem i have

instead of facing any of this shit
im ending my nite
with a drink in one hand
& hot water musics "caution"
lyric sheet in the other

medication

melissas 21st was today
which is bad for my wallet
& my liver

spent the day drinking
with amazing people

a few projects completely coming together

this dude knows how to take a photo

jealous

for sara

all good things must come to an end

prepare to lose a few hours

its amazing how one persons voice
can change around an entire weekend
of thinking

i shot 11 or 12 rolls of film this weekend
im bound to get something

too much caffeine

i realized three things in the past couple days

i never really liked the show friends
i didnt hate it either
but being in ny
i watch it almost every nite
it just always seems to be on
& for some reason i always decide to watch it

i will never like iphones
except for the fact
that they create awesome moments
ti laugh at while bored on the subway
you wouldnt believe
how many drunk girls
want to take goofy pictures
of their less drunk boyfriends

my love of the smiths started with a book
not an album
in 9th great i read
perks of being a wallflower
about 9 million times
& mentioned repeatedly was
the smiths "asleep"
it would still be 2 years
before i finally purchased a smiths album
my love for the smiths is completely voyeuristic
while i do enjoy them
they never had the effect on me
that they seem to have had on everyone else
but for some reason the everyone else
has a had a huge effect on me
joe menos "meat is murder"
& marc spitzs "how soon is never"
are two of my favorite books
that ive read numerous times of the years
for a 6 month period i left menos
in my bag
& would just break it out when i was bored
broadway calls does a cover of
a rush & a push & the land is ours
& everytime i listen to it
im left speechless & mildly heart broken
that they didnt just cover the album
when i listen to the smiths version
im lucky if i make it the whole way thru
i once wanted to date a girl once
because she was obsessed with the smiths
& i thought this was a good personality trait
& we spent a nite on the floor
morrissey vinyl slowly spinning around & around
i was also greatly intimidated
by a girl i go to school with
when i found out she liked morrissey
a great desire to be her friend
slowly emerged
i love books about the smiths
& covers of their songs
& their fans
way more then i will ever actually like them

2 projects in the works

already planning my trip
to germany next summer