holidays/ options

melissa & i surprised everyone in dc
took the bus down friday nite
showed up
just in time for the german kids
going away party

it was good to see everyone
& while i miss everyone a lot
im glad im in new york right now
i wasnt liking it
up until this past weekend
i realized yea dcs something to miss
but it will be there when i go back in january
but im going to live in ny once

im starting a new project
i guess not new
because its still based on
my overall sense of fucked up relationships
but i have some new ideas

i didnt get to see everyone i wanted
but ill be back in a few months

im really sick
nose is runny
throat sore
i hit my head at some point this weekend
& ive had an off & on headache since
& i cant seem to get enough sleep

wild hearts

this is crazy
this is amazing
this mans work is amazing

i scanned a bunch of negatives today
you can see them here
its amazing how fast things can turn around

im meeting with the guys of morning breath tomorrow
im hoping to do a story about them

a photo book is possibly in the works
fully dependent upon my mental state
&/or alcohol consumption
over the next few weeks

fuck art let dance

i dont know why i ever thought
i could be an artist
im a photographer at best

a perpetual limbo scene

i cant be in a healthy relationship

im a codependent to the fullest extent

some nites you say fuck it
drop everything
go home
& get drunk alone watching shitty tv
i feel like i have more of these nites
than anyone else i know

im not doing any books
no video
no installations
im just taking boring photos

if i had any balls
id drop the fuck out
this is useless

im my own fucking albatross

p.s. new york is burning

punk rock is the most amazing thing in the world
a guy came in to my cafe tonight
& i noticed he had the sabot records logo
tattooed on his inner wrist
i mentioned it
& he said his old band started it
this old band being
against me!
& hes now in a band with
blake schwarzenbach of jawbreaker
who about half an hour later
walked in & ordered a black coffee
my heart started beating faster
my palms were sweaty
i gave him coffee for free
it was the least i could do
new york totally redeemed itself
in a matter of 3 seconds

this is a total ramble
but you try collecting your thoughts
after two of your favorite musicians
just happen to walk into your place of business

im trying to make art
i cant really figure out if its happening or not

dead weight

marin & chelsea were here this past weekend
we all went to coney island
& it was crowded
& windy as fuck
but amazing
i love when you find a go0d group of friends
its just weird knowing ones 300 miles south
& the others halfway around the world

my programs started
& its mildly overwhelming
i have open range
to just make art for 4 months
should be interesting

the new polar bear club is amazing

john cusack can do no wrong

sara chris & marin are coming up this weekend
have heart blacklisted & crime in stereo
should be amazing

new books kind of happening
kind of not
hopefully done soon

blue & yellow

there are very few people in life
that you meet
& immediately know the importance
they will have on you as a person
marin falls into this category
he got off the bus last nite at 1030
& by 1045 we were in deep conversation
about music & books
& he is the only other person
ive ever met
that feels & talks about music
the way i do

chelsea comes tonite

i start my program on tuesday

& next weekend
chris sara aris & marin
are coming up
& im going to see
have heart play one of there last shows

its amazing how fast shit turns around

also if i could ever have photos of myself
turn out like these
id be a lot happier a person

you deserve much better than me

one of my favorite artists
put out a new book
& its amazing
& like usual
perfect timing

the new brand new
can only be described as stunning

im rereading klostermans
killing yourself to live

i fucked up the job i had
& am most likely going to have to find a new one
i knew it was too good to be true

im mentally fucked right now
chelseas coming to ny
this weekend
& i dont know if im ready for it

i saw lauryn yesterday
& it was fine & normal
& completely fucked
& weird
all at the same time

im biting my nails again
drinking too many black russians
& listening to
to much gaslight anthem

new york is a fucking cesspool

i cant fall asleep before 5 am
& i cant sleep past 8am

i dont miss dc
i miss the places ive never seen
states ive yet to cross
couches ive yet to sleep on

i have $19 to my name

i need away from
myself for a few days