crimes

my life is in 4 boxes
sitting in the corner of my room right now
brand new is on repeat
while someone i care about
more than most things in life
is asleep next to me
& im realizing drinking alone
probably wasnt the best idea of the nite

i just had a flash back of a sunrise
on rehoboth beach
& the breakfast that followed

my place in brooklyn fell thru
again
so im dropping my shit
at melissas familys house in jersey
& just couch surfing thru new york
for the next couple weeks

my minds a tornadoe right now
i dont know how to feel
or what to think

a public speech on a public bus

i had an anxiety attack this evening
i move to brooklyn in 3 days
i have barely anything packed
i started something i cant finish
i have a migraine worse than ive had in a while
i had one to many screwdrivers
the other evening
& got in an argument
with someone i really care about
im fucking sick of working 9-5
& dealing with inconsiderate people

my minds exactly
how i would expect it to be
right now

flesh & blood

yesterday is what life is all about
marin (my german friend)
chris sara chelsea & myself
went to brunch
& did random errands
but because of the company
it was one of the best times
ive had in a while
& today sara moved to gtown u
to be an ra
& before shes done
im moving to brooklyn
& then marin goes back to germany
& its all over just like that

im cleaning out
& getting rid of 90%
of my books & cds
& if you know me
then you know
im having a terrible time

give em hell

the books on hold for the time being
i was making it
for the fact that
i was stuck in a continuous stumble
of sorts
but ive recently
fallen into something good
however i am moving to brooklyn
in 2 weeks
so we will see what happens

its amazing how certain situations
can change your understanding of things
less than jakes "hopeless case"
always seemed like a miserable
confession of fucking up
an open ended letter
stating all the reasons
its hard to wake up in the morning
but i realized the other day
its a letter to someone
who makes you feel worthy of living
no matter how bad you fuck up
or hate yourself
theyre there to help you
& love you
music is amazing sometimes

to remember or to forget

the show today was amazing
only 3 people showed up
& one of them was a kid from germany
doing an internship in dc
he will most likely be living with me
the next couple weeks
all the bands were amazing
& it was one of those
beautiful punk rock moments
we didnt have a pa
but everyone was screaming
& sweating
& sun pouring in thru the front windows
my ears are still ringing
all of them
were completely awesome guys
some of the nicest people ive ever met
& theyre now crowded
9 across
on my living room floor

i got to share a drink
with one of my oldest friends tonite
& it was awesome
& strangely fitting
& weve both come from the same background
& realized we dont need to be like others
we can do what we want
& still be us
& it was all a strangely beautiful day

my beds still prepared for two
i hope the citys treating you well

a road that never ends

ive been sharing a bed
the past few nites
& its been surprisingly nice

the books moving slower
but im getting there
its harder than you think
summing up 7 years
into 30 or so pages

pops is coming into town
tomorrow nite for dinner
& justins band will be here sunday
chris & sara are in california
til tuesday
the big blue house is empty again

hit or miss

going swimming
in the ocean
at 430 am
with some of your best friends
is one of the best things in the world

the books in the design stages
hopefully by this weekend
it will be done

im ready to be in ny
i have 4 weeks left in dc
im not trying to start anything
i cant finish
not that thats ever stopped me before