my fever is gone & so are you

friday march 27
the number 12 looks like you
south hackensack new jersey

saturday march 28
gaslight anthem
troc philly

sunday march 29
converge
unitarian church philly

quite possibly the best weekend of my life

not if but when

new book
ten photos
ten poems
each photo/poem
based on a past
failed relationship
friend &/or lover
print edition of ten
full color
hand sewn
just another step
in digging yourself out
of a self dug grave

i need to feel you near me

i just want to live by myself
in some little midwest town
in a studio apartment
my mattress on the floor
record player in the corner
& bookshelves against the wall
& i want to be a waiter
& live a quiet life
& not no anyone
or form any connections

who are you kidding

i cant relate to a middle class white girl
who likes the same shit as me
& is going to college also

let alone a girl born in ethiopia
living in america
working for a living
to pay for food & shelter

i saw my future this past week
i worked everyday 11am to 11 pm
came home
passed out
& went back to work the next morning
it wasnt so bad

do we go on alone?

its one of those nites
when you say fuck it
& just give up

im down for whatever

i realized recently
how much music completely effects my life

im still caught up over a girl
(who wants nothing to do with me)
because we spent a nite
lying on her living room floor
playing scrabble
listening to smiths vinyl
& pop punk music
that normally gets us laughed at

i have a mix i made
march of last year
that i still listen to frequently
& i remember the girl i made it for
& the girl i made it because of it
& the endless nites i spent running
in dc/ pa/ & virginia beach
listening to it

& ive come to terms
in the past couple weeks
that i really hurt someone
& i saw the person tonite
& its the same awkward situation
ive been in a million times
except on the otherside
& i didnt know what to do or say
so i biked home
& laid in bed & listened
to the get up kids
& while this doesnt make the situation
any different
it brings a certain level of personal contentness

a boy trapped in the body of a man

restless
unmotivated
confused
hypocritical
repressed
rude
pissed
static

ive been back three days
& im done
i was excited to be back in dc
that feelings gone
i need to wake to snow storms in rochester
seagulls in brooklyn
a different sleeping situation every nite
i need to meet someone new
i was talked into having dinner tonite
with someone i dont really want to see again

i buzzed my head
hoping the change would bring
some level of comfort
fail

fuck dc during inauguration
half the cities
closed down or blocked off
& cops are douche bags

paranoid about a fuck me dress

im back in dc
while the trip was amazing
its good to be back
but i have a feeling
this state of contention
wont last long

the florida trips off
the funds arent there
on my or my fathers side

im working on changing
i dont like a lot about myself
& i have the power to change
so im going to

i traveled almost two thousand miles
in two weeks
hopefully spring break will see just as many miles