i want to know why college is the only answer anyone can give me
parents friends teachers
i tell anyone i dont want to be in school
& all they say is you have to
school isnt for me
i cant do the academics i cant do the learning
the projects the everything
its not my place
photo is all i know & i cant imagine doing anything else
but being in school for it still hasnt set in
& im not sure it ever will

i watching stand by me
& i want my life to be an early 20 year olds version of this movie
i need that adventure
that search
i was talking to a friend last nite
telling her i wanted to travel
& have no commitment to anyone or anything
& she just kept telling me id eventually give in because id be lonely
& no one seems to understand
im happiest when im alone
& somewhere ive never been

about this time every year
i question everything

i need a major change
im just not sure what

partners in crime

you ditch something really good
for something you think is better
& then better turns into nothing at all

in search of augustine

this time last year i was lying in bed with a girl who meant more to me than words can express & across the room was a girl who at the time i had no idea the impact she would have on my life
as of rite now im writing a paper about hamlet while listening to thriller
this doesnt even begin to explain how weird life has been recently

you learn to swim by being thrown in the water

i feel like a waste of space
a let down to those who need me
i want to quit everything
& take that one in a million chance

like getting kicked in the teeth

it all feels weird & pointless

...that shit you heard about me
well some of its true...

i woke up this morning from a dream
about failing my photo class
because a project wasnt done
im not even a week into the semester

lifes had its weird ups & downs lately
but i was recently reminded that i still have morals
which pleasantly surprised me

i went shooting with chris & sara yesterday
it was good to get out & shoot again
photos the only thing that ive ever really known how to do

all i keep thinking about is that nite in your bed
gaslight anthem on repeat

are you here for the party?

i sit on the counter top
while you spill blood on my kitchen floor
half empty bottle
broken
a cocktail
of champagne & dna
i suture & sew
& lay the seeds
but youre soon gone
as a result of
mutual friends
not wanting us
to be in each others company